i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
