hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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