you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There r osticjed everywhere
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
