Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
