I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
