Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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