You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
