So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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