he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
