Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
