i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
