go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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