Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
