I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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