i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
