I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can you bring me the toilet please
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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