NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
