He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
