Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
