who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
