hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
