Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
