i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
