I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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