one word: firstdatebathroomanal
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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