yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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