Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
