I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I want to be your penis for a week.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
