He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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