I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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