Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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