I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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