what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
