you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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