Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
