I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
