marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The struggles of a small town man whore
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
