Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
her vagine was all disorganized.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
