I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
