i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
