my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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