Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
