I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
