so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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