it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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