you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
