dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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