they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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