i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my shit smells like andre
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Randomize
