how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
