Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
