A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
