i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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