Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
