I want to have your abortion
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
