It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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