This is not my ceiling
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
