I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
